First Day of Spring

It's the first day of Spring and around fifteen degrees outside, a steep drop in temperatures. It perfectly matches how I feel right now. Which is to say desperately wanting to lighten up, but stunted by circumstances. I want to write with a little more spring in my step and my chin held hight, but the truth is I am very stressed out coming into this spring and need encouragement.

Right now my headspace is just like what's under the hood of my truck. I am having a hard time focusing and feeling defeated lately. Instead of being spirited by the challenged ahead I am afraid of them. What this farm needs is a miracle. And I'm the friggin' miracle. I feel like I can't jump start that engine anymore. You can't be creative and productive and fearful at the same time.

I'm trying hard to fight that the best way I know how - with positivity, work, exercise, music, but it feels like I am jogging in the fog. I am able to see where the fog clears up and the sun is shining - the place I can exhale but every single time I think I might be a few strides away a tree falls in my path or I trip. That's been the story of this farm all along but right now it's more daunting than anything else.

I am not asking for help or advice. I am not looking for answers. I know what I need to accomplish and the work needed to get there. I just ask for your encouragement. On this first day of spring, I don't want to be scared of the summer ahead. I want to be excited for it.

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